I recently received that dreaded call in the middle of the night – my father passed away in his sleep.  As he lived partly across the globe, it was not a given that I would make the funeral in time.  Many of my friends and family suggested that I save my money and go see his grave at a time convenient for me, when the tickets would not be 3x’s the normal amount.  Others took the opportunity to suggest that funerals are for the living and that he would not care if I attended.  Others suggested that I just hold a small service for him here.  I continued to desperately look for airfares that would not take me three years to repay.  All the while, I listened to everyone.  What did I know?  I had never lost a parent or anyone really close to me since I was in high school.  Maybe they were right and this money would be better spent being applied to college tuition or house repairs.  However, I still did not stop looking for affordable airfares.

At the close of the first day when my family overseas was urging me to make a decision so they could make funeral plans, I still did not have an answer.  I started to think that perhaps it was just not meant to be, that I was not going to make the funeral.  At that time, a friend called and without judgement, said that not going to bury my father should not be a financial decision and he very graciously gifted me his miles to get me there.  Suddenly, I knew that there was nowhere else I would rather be.  I knew in that moment that in time I would be able to recover from the financial costs, but would always regret not being able to say goodbye.

I realized in a very personal way that burial traditions play a very important role in our lives and society.  They give us a chance to acknowledge a life lived and ended and to find a way to come to terms with all the things said and unsaid.  They provide us closure and allow us to witness our return to the earth.

I know that he didn’t know if I was there or not.  …but then, funerals are for the living.