After dozens of calls, numerous hours on the phone, hundreds of miles driven for meetings and to go to their home, and more than a few tears of frustration, Steve and Marlene were laid to rest in keeping with their final wishes, together and intact.  While our story had a satisfying outcome, it was only due to the fact that there were a number of us fighting for this outcome and we found a compassionate distant relative.

As we discovered during this process, there are no systems in place that allowed us to legally intercede on behalf of someone that is deceased and address final wishes.  The medical examiner did say that we would have a case for having their bodies turned over to us if we wanted to pay for the funerals out of pocket, but we would be unable to tap into their retirement, military benefits or even SS death benefits.  The only way to have their estate pay was to be assigned by the courts.  We called everyone we could think of, including getting friends to make personal appeals.  We had hoped that if we could get a funeral home to claim their bodies and we could swear that their intents were to be buried instead of cremated that the estate could directly pay the funeral home and we would not need to be involved in managing money.  No, that is not the case.  Had we not located this relative the medical examiner would have had no choice but to turn the bodies over to the sheriff after 7-10 days during which they would have cremated the bodies and then seized their assets to pay for the expenses.  It did not matter that they had funds and a dozen unrelated adults willing to swear that they had a strong aversion to cremation.

Ultimately, Bill made a number of trips to their home and were finally able to locate some extended family.  The first family that was located did not care about the final wishes of Steve and Marlene, rather they only wanted to be notified once someone could tell them how much they stood to inherit.  They kept digging until they found another relative and explained to them the relationships and our confidence of their final wishes.  They agreed to claim the body to ensure that they were buried according to Steve and Marlene’s wishes.

I am not sharing this story to brag about our assistance, but rather to share first hand the near impossible situation that arose without any legal documentation.  As it stand the relative that claimed the body had to talk to an attorney to get assurances that if they were not appointed executor of the estate by the courts that they could reasonably expect to have the estate reimburse them and the funeral home for all expenses.  We struggled just to make sure they were buried, none of us wanted any money or “things”.  Imagine if there were children involved, or other matters which required a strong voice to protect them.  They could just as easily been severely injured in that accident, and then how would we have been able to ensure that they were getting proper care?

Despite knowing how important it is to have updated legal documents spelling out my wishes, I had no idea how impossible it was to get heard without a will.  Please, make this your goal for 2018, make sure all of your documents are in order.  Make a file with all of your important documents and tell your trusted friends or family where to find them.  Have your wishes spelled out in writing, even if you think your desires are clear to everyone you love.  Do this for your peace of mind…and do this for your loved ones.  I know we are going to update all of our documents this spring as a result of this.